Low Personality? Not Fitting in? Obviously there's only one answer...

Who exactly was running these laboratories? What kind of tests were they adminstering?

"Ok patient 957, do you feel like you fit in better with your peers now that you've tried this refreshing beverage?"

"Yes, Doctor! I feel positively exuberant! Cola has given the right boost I need to be a better looking, more productive member of society that's capable of becoming, of becoming, why I could be President someday I bet, dag nabit!"


Awesome.

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